What the Hell Read online

Page 29


  I puffed my chest out a little more than I meant to and walked just behind the gushing elf. After a few turns and some stairs, we were entering the throne room.

  “Please wait here and I’ll let the king know you’ve arrived.”

  “Oh ya, King TalGoid,” I said, reaffirming the fact that he was, in fact, the king of the Seelie Court.

  After a minute or two of me looking around the throne, I said again, “King TalGoid.”

  “I prefer Taylor,” said my old friend as he entered the room with a beaming smile.

  “TayTay!” I cried out, throwing my arms open for a hug.

  He embraced me and then repeated, but with a different tone to the first time, “I prefer Taylor.”

  “Taylor, got it.”

  “So, what brings you to these parts? Need another vacation from Midworld?”

  “Heh, maybe. But no. I, ah, I need to see Lily.”

  Taylor’s smile faded in an instant.

  “Why? If you don’t mind my asking.”

  “Well, I kinda mind. But since it’s you, and I kinda peed in your priceless heirloom that looked suspiciously like a chamber pot, I’ll tell ya.”

  Taylor took a step back and crossed his arms, listening intently.

  “I need her blood to go to the in-between while in Hell.”

  “What on earth would you want to do that for?”

  “Not Earth; Hell. And I need it to get to Sheol where . . . some friends are.”

  “My knowledge is lacking on the place you call Sheol, but I think I can understand the meaning and appreciate it isn’t a place one would care to go to.”

  “Well, heh, you aren’t wrong. But it’s something I have to do, and I need a vial of her blood and to have it enchanted.”

  “If you need to get to the in-between, I can show you other methods. I assure you, you do not need Queen Lilith’s blood.”

  “But, you see, I know it works becau— Excuse me? What the fuck did you just say?”

  Taylor took in a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose while the other hand rested on his hip.

  “John, I want nothing but happiness for you, which is why I must be the one to tell you. Lily is Lilith. Kind of obvious, if you think about it. Not as on the nose as Locke the Warlock, I guess, but in the same ballpark.”

  “Li-Lilith. The Lilith. Adam’s first wife, Lilith. The first vampire, Lilith. That fucking Lilith?” I screeched.

  Taylor looked at me with understanding eyes and slowly nodded his head, as if going too quickly might break my mind.

  Joke’s on him. My mind broke anyway.

  “I need to sit,” I drawled out as I covered my eyes with my hand. I could hear Taylor moving to grab a chair and start to bring it over to me. I plopped down on the ground instead, unable to wait even a second longer.

  “Oh, Lilith . . . Fuck! I-I can’t say that anymore, can I?”

  “I suppose you could curse like most mortals.”

  “Lily . . . is Lilith. And she didn’t tell me?”

  “John, I honestly think she didn’t have a choice.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, letting my head drop as I picked at the living moss on the floor. Today was just too much.

  “You know the story of Lilith, right?”

  “You mean how she was kicked out of Eden about the same time that Samael had the long fall?”

  “Precisely. Do you know the rest of the story?”

  “Yes, I know the rest of the story,” I said, a little more snarkily than anticipated. I cleared my throat. “Samael tricked Eve into eating the forbidden fruit, thus kicking humans out of Eden. Samael then taught Lilith how to feed off their mortal energy so she could live forever as his bride.”

  “That’s an accurate summary, as far as I am aware,” Taylor admitted. “But what does that mean?”

  “I don’t freaking know, Taylor. What?”

  “What happened when Lilith saved the lives of you and your friend?”

  My eyes lifted off the ground and began climbing Taylor’s body.

  “We became forever bound in a life debt.”

  Taylor nodded once, holding his palms up in front of him, allowing me to piece the puzzle together.

  “She . . . she owes him a life debt. She has to do what he says or go insane.”

  “John, I really dislike being the one to tell you all of this, but I feel like I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t share with you what I know.”

  “O . . . okay.”

  “It is my understanding that Samael made sure you were given the dark gift by Ulric.”

  “But Lily . . . told . . . Ulric. Oh my God.” I flopped on my back, staring up at the beautiful ceiling. What had once been a portal to the Shadow Court now showcased a universe full of galaxies. “Am I just a pawn on Satan’s chessboard?”

  “I prefer to think we are all in charge of our own destinies, even if a path is laid out before us. It is up to us whether we walk it or not.”

  “Fair enough,” I said, not really satisfied. Then something smacked me in the forehead like a brick dropped from the International Space Station.

  “The last vampire!”

  “Pardon?”

  “There was never a last vampire because Lilith was always around. When Ulric thought he was the last, she was still around. And then when I thought I was the last: Bam! Lilith was still alive. Oh shit!”

  “Well, that does add up. Queen Lilith can be exceedingly deceptive, which is why I hope you understand why you can never visit her again. Samael has a life debt over her, and she must do as he commands, even in Faerie, or so I will safely assume. And you . . . you, John, owe a life debt to her. Ergo, you belong to him if you set foot in her kingdom.”

  Taylor, being the friend that he was, sat next to me before dropping down to lie side by side.

  “Taylor,” I started.

  “Hmm?”

  “What is Lilith to you?”

  “That is a story for another time, for I fear your mind has reached its breaking point.”

  I barked out a single laugh while keeping my face stone cold.

  “However, I do have good news for you.”

  “What is it? I’m adopted?”

  “I have this,” Taylor said, holding up a vial that glowed purple.

  I posted up on my elbows and looked at it. Taylor took my cue and rose effortlessly to a seated position.

  “What is it?”

  “The means to get to the in-between and rescue your friends.”

  “Friends?”

  “Dawson and Da.”

  I shot the rest of the way to a seated position.

  “Da’s really there?”

  “As I said, I do not know much about Sheol, but I did learn that truth at least, after I saw how much his sacrifice pained you. I simply didn’t know the name.”

  With a tone that was a tad more aggressive than I’d intended, I asked, “And how long have you known?”

  “Do not think about that, John. I knew the time would come when you would need to know. That moment is clearly now.”

  “How dare you not tell me sooner. How dare you let Da stay down there a second longer than he needed to,” I snarled with eyes that glowed red.

  Taylor took my wrath on the chin and simply smiled.

  “Correct me if I am mistaken, but didn’t you just now get your armor back? I know you are wearing it, as you still have your abilities in my lands. Had I told you where your friend was sooner, wouldn’t you have done anything and everything to get to the Hell below Hell right then and there, putting yourself in danger? John, you are going to attempt to travel to the most dangerous place in all of existence. A place that no one, not even angels or demons, have been able to escape from.”

  “I thought you said you didn’t know about Sheol.”

  “I didn’t know what the mortals called it. I simply called it the Below.”

  “The Below? Kinda right on the nose, wouldn’t you say? But still, that’s basica
lly what I was describing. Oh, you faeries and your word games,” I said with frustration.

  “This is no game, John. I want you to understand why I kept the information from you. And I hope you understand it was the right thing to do.”

  I glared at him, knowing he was right and being more pissed off for the fact.

  “Now, you will only go there once to save two of your friends, correct? You will also not have to set foot in the Unseelie lands and be trapped by Queen Lilith, who is beholden to Samael.”

  I got to my feet and turned my back to him as I put my hands on my hips and paced slowly back and forth. The moss was soft under my boots.

  “John, I hope you know you are a true friend to me. I owe you a debt I could never hope to repay. You saved all of Faerie from Lolth and Oberon. I only did what I did because I know how important it is for you that Midworld continues to exist.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense!” I blurted out as my mind gently tapped me on the shoulder and suggested he had a point. I did have a habit of making dumb decisions when it came to things like saving my friends. Taylor understood my silence as acquiescence to his argument. “Gah! Fine! Just give me the stupid vial.”

  I walked over to Taylor and stuck my hand out aggressively.

  “Of course. It is yours, no strings attached.” He placed the vial in my hand and I yanked it back, dropping the purple liquid in a side pocket.

  “Oh, speaking of strings,” I started, lamely trying to change the subject. “Can you maybe make me some new armor clothes? But maybe not make ’em shiny?”

  “I will see what I can do.” Taylor slightly bowed. “What will you do now, if I may ask?”

  “Let’s see, travel to Hell using my angelic armor, somehow make it to the bottommost pit without alerting anyone or dying, use the purple stuff, sink to Sheol, grab Da and Dawson, somehow make it back . . . Oh Jesus, what am I doing?” I asked, running a hand down my face. “This sounds freaking crazy, doesn’t it?”

  “Did you or did you not stop an entire army before grabbing a black hole with your own hands and sucking a powerful shadow goddess into oblivion before erasing the tear through time and space?”

  I felt myself start to blush for some reason.

  “May-be,” I said as I dug my toe into the moss and pivoted my foot back and forth, embarrassed but loving the acknowledgment.

  “Then this should be a piece of cake for you.”

  Dropping my foot back down, I looked up at him and said, “You know what, you’re right. I got this shit.”

  “There’s the world-saving John that I know,” Taylor beamed as he slapped both of my arms just above the elbow in a gesture of manly pride. “When will you leave?”

  “As soon as possible. I don’t want my friends down there a moment longer than they have to be. Especially with this time dilation horseshit.”

  An idea came to me, and I asked, “Hey, do you think I can maybe bring Depweg here? He has had it pretty tough and needs some R and R. I-I think he’d like a little vacay here.”

  “Aren’t you worried about the time difference? A few months here could be years to Midworld.”

  “Honestly, I’ll come get him when the time is right. Just make sure he makes the most of his visit here, would ya?”

  “Of course, John. I will have a room made up for him. Would you like me to accompany you to the portal room?”

  As we walked, chitchatting about Depweg’s much needed vacation, I stopped and asked, “Hey, know any elf chicks that would be into a young supernatural hunter? And I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, also like video games?”

  To be continued . . .

  Epilogue

  Ulric winced as his hand gingerly touched his seared skull. Fingers glided over the ridges, and Ulric was once again surprised at the one he had made back in 1480. It was almost a fatherly pride. Almost.

  He walked into a warehouse-sized room with two chairs in front of a fireplace. Hellfire danced on the wood. There was a chessboard between the chairs, and a beautiful man was seemingly playing against himself. His hair was the color of wheat in the sun, his eyes the same shade, and he wore a pristine suit of white.

  Ulric took a seat across from Samael, crossing one leg over the other and placing his hands on the knee.

  “Did he get the armor?”

  “He did,” Ulric responded with an accompanying head nod.

  “Excellent. And you’re sure he doesn’t suspect anything?” Samael asked as he narrowed his eyes at the board in front of him.

  “I made sure his emotions blinded him.”

  “You are truly a worthy ally, Ulric Godwin. You will be an admirable leader of Hell.”

  Ulric seemed to straighten in his chair as his chest was swollen with pride.

  “Oh, here,” Samael said, glancing up at Ulric while throwing a hand his way.

  Ulric felt a tingling on his head and reached up to feel skin and hair growing back.

  “Thank you, Samael. Your guidance is both invaluable and rewarding,” Ulric said before a question came to mind. “If I may ask, my Lord, are we sure that Baleius can be counted on to do his part, once John is in Hell, I mean?”

  “I spoke to my brother when John was in the very chair you now sit. The naive child had his greatest asset locked in a box, if you can believe it. But that won’t matter once he gets down here wearing Raziel’s armor. Baleius knows what to do.”

  “If you don’t mind my saying, that is all truly impressive, Lord Lucifer.”

  “Yes, everything is in place for the abomination’s descent to Sheol,” Samael said as he slammed a chess piece down next to another of a different color that had a beanie, beard, and trench coat etched into its features. “Check,” he said with a mischievous smile.

  Samael stood, adjusted his suit, and began walking away from the table.

  “May I inquire where you are off to, my Lord?” Ulric asked with the utmost respect.

  Samael stopped, turned, and regarded the loyal general. The most beautiful creature in all of creation, and once God’s favorite, flashed eyes that glowed the same color as his hair.

  “I’m off to see an old flame that owes me a small favor.” With perfect, gleaming teeth, Samael smiled in such a way as to suggest he was privy to a joke no one else would catch.

  Then Samael — the Lord of Hell, Mephistopheles, Baal, Diablo, the Father of Lies, Lord Lucifer — opened a door and stepped into a scene bathed in virgin snow.

  As the door was shutting, Ulric could make out a castle set into the mountains, tucked away under a sullen gray bank of clouds.

  Final words from the author

  If you enjoyed this Urban Fantasy eulogy for Sir John Cook*, would you consider leaving an honest review? Click the link below to go straight to the Amazon review page.

  On the next page I have created links so you can:

  Preview a few pages of the next book in the series right from the Amazon Kindle platform

  Check out the Audible page and listen to samples of Audible Hall of Fame narrator, Luke Daniels, as he brings John to life with his amazing performance!

  I also left a link for Facebook, Goodreads, and BookBub

  Thank you for giving John unlife after death. The series dedicated to my bromego will be thirteen full novels with a handful of novellas and short stories for good measure. So until next time, John On!

  *not actually knighted

  Amazon Review Page

  Audible: Series page, listen to free samples here

  Connect with Me

  T-shirts, signed books, and my blog await at

  www.HunterBlain.com

  Facebook Author Page

  Goodreads Author Page

  BookBub Author Page

  Want a free book? sign up for my awesome email list

  BookFunnel- claim free book

 

 

  > Thank you for reading books on Archive.