I’m Glad You’re Dead (The Preternatural Chronicles Book 1) Read online

  “Finally, you kneel before me,” I heard an exasperated voice proclaim between heavy breaths.

  It took everything I had to keep from collapsing onto the inviting ground, like a comfy bed promising that your boss won’t mind if you come in late, or tomorrow. I lifted my face to see him, standing on the edge of the crater that I had the pleasure of creating with my once sexy body. My eyes shifted in and out of focus, but I could make out a tall figure with arms outstretched.

  “Fuck… you…” I managed between blood infused breaths.

  “What, no witty retort? No clever come back?” The tall man chortled. “Then I suppose it’s game over for you, mosquito,” he finished with a booming voice as he raised his outstretched hands. A small light the size of a bead of rice formed. It started growing in volume and brightness as it began rising into the space above him. First a tennis ball of orange, then a basketball of blue. The star of death, not to be confused with the legally different Death Star, kept growing until lastly, a sphere the size of a house made from blinding white light loomed ominously. I had to shield my eyes from the blinding light with wisps of smoke rose from the ground around him from the immense heat.

  “Goku would be so pissed if he saw this,” I said, trying to sound like my old self. The star started to incinerate the ground around the entire crater. The pools of my blood on the ground, which I was saving for later damnit, started to boil and evaporate. Stone melted like ice cream in the hot Texas sun leaving growing pools of, in the words of Dr. Evil, liquid hot magma.

  My shielding arms caught fire and I collapsed to the ground; defeated. As I dropped my arms to my sides, I looked up to watch my death as the ball was thrown upwards and toward me. I saw a bright light expand in my vision followed by a dot of blackness that quickly engulfed everything I saw, just before my eyes started to melt in their sockets and drip down my cheeks to evaporate. My face caught fire and started to slide off the bone, as if I had opened the Arc of the Covenant.

  Chapter 35

  Locke controlled the star-o-death as it descended on me. In his weakened, maddened state, he had failed to notice the massive, salivating wolf that was running its way up the mound.

  At the last second, Locke heard and turned his head, stopping the star and then letting it wink out of existence as Depweg leapt. Locke held up his hands but nothing happened as the energy he had used was being returned. In his last moments of existence, Locke looked at his hands in confusion before powerful jaws closed over his face.

  Depweg’s maw enveloped Locke’s jaw all the way to his neck. He bit down like a hydraulic press and Locke’s burned face below his cheekbones crumbled like a coke can. Teeth scraped vertebrae. Skin was rent from bone. Depweg readjusted his mouth down to Locke’s throat for the kill just as Locke sent a focused blast of fire through Depweg’s torso. It burst out his back like a lightsaber before billowing into the night.

  Depweg reeled with agony as the flames started spreading across his fur like a wildfire. He dropped Locke and started running chaotically with his front paws. His back legs were limp and useless.

  I had used their back and forth to climb the embankment to where Locke laid. I couldn’t see, but I could hear his heartbeat and it illuminated in my vision like a beacon. Every erratic pump sent a wave of sonar to my senses and I could see his outline, red in the blackness. As I crested the top, I could also see Depweg crawling away. His essence was shrinking and growing dim.

  Locke’s head turned right as I climbed on top of him, his eyes growing wide in terror and realization. The entire front half of my body was burned to muscle and bone. My skin was still burning at the edges with the hellfire growing over my body like a wild bacterium. The flames had a voracious appetite that wouldn’t stop until my entire body was consumed. All Locke saw as I mounted his body was a blackened skull interlaced with singed tendons and a fanged, lipless grin.

  Through my sonar vision I could see Locke lift his hands to attack. I grabbed both of his wrists with my burning hands and bent them backwards. Bones crumbled and ligaments snapped. The skin tore as I continued to pull his hands backwards, making his knuckles touch his forearms. Locke tried to scream through his crushed face, but only succeeded in whistling out of his bubbling nose. Mucus and blood shot down from his nostrils into his obliterated mouth.

  I continued pulling his hands backward until only skin held them to his body, then I ripped them off with a satisfying tearing sound. Locke inhaled forcibly through his nose.

  With vocal cords that were well-done and a voice that could have been from a George A. Romero film, I said to Locke, “For my parents, you dick,” right as I sank my fangs deep into Locke’s neck, like a starving lion on a plump gazelle. Locke squirmed as I let the blood flow, not in any hurry to stop. I had to tilt my head to allow any of the crimson goodness to flow down my throat, as I no longer had lips. Even with the angle, most of it fell to the ground. I was starving and my Predator Side was about to explode trying to get the precious blood.

  I willed a small dagger in my left hand and plunged it into Locke’s liver, just above his right hip. I pulled in as much blood as I could, but it wasn’t enough. Most spilled out through his torn artery in his neck that I couldn’t catch.

  When I heard Locke’s heart start to flutter, I retracted my blade into my palm, placed my left hand on the top of his head and my right on his shoulder, and I ripped his disfigured skull right the fuck off in pure fury and agitation. I lifted it up into the night sky, proclaiming my vengeance to the universe.

  Holding my grisly treasure to the sky I let the last of his blood drop from his neck into my mouth as his eyes blinked and looked around before slowing, and eventually glazing over. Once his life-force left his body, I laughed into his face with a mix of emotions. Relief that I had avenged my parents. Agony from the hellfire that was still eating my skin. Anger that his pain didn’t last longer. Worry about my best friend, Depweg.

  I dropped the severed head to the dirt. I was vaguely aware that his nose broke as it smacked into the packed earth.

  As the hellfire sapped me of my life, I fought to remain standing. I looked around with my preternatural senses and found what I was looking for. Depweg was still in wolf form, as near as I could tell, and was still burning. I could smell the burnt fur in the air.

  What energy I stole from the now very deceased Locke, I used to extinguish Depweg; I pointed my hand and, with full knowledge what would happen to me, commanded a torrent of blood where Depweg had collapsed, covering him like a busted fire hydrant. The flames went out and Depweg laid still, whimpering. As expected, the fire decimated the first wave of my blood energy before being overwhelmed by the pure quantity I commanded forth. Though not even a full second had passed, the flames did their part and stunned me. Unable to will the rest of the energy back in, I let the connection drop at my hand, losing the remaining life force. I was ready for the long sleep.

  My legs went numb and gave in. I fell to the ground, exhausted. Nothing was left in the tank. I could hear Depweg whimpering, which was good.

  All I could do was laugh through a lipless mouth as the hellfire continued to eat away at my skin, spreading like a California brush fire. As muscle dried and snapped from bone, I inhaled and let out a deep breath, accepting my fate. My parents were avenged, Depweg was alive, and those things brought a metaphorical smile to my face.

  I let the darkness wash over me like the tide coming in. Little by little my head became lighter and my thoughts slowed. Nothing hurt anymore. My last thought was a question: which eternity would I be met with?

  Then my mind went blank, like a subsiding ripple on a glass lake… I floated in a now familiar nothingness. I was seriously debating on decorating, or at least leaving a magazine behind.

  My eyes focused on a point in front of me where I expected a beam of light to coalesce. Instead, a warmth spread over my back like a blanket.

  Struggling to turn my head I saw a blinding pin-prick of colors emanating from the darkness.
Light swirled in the color of hellfire. Blue, red, yellow, white, and green fought for their chance to shine in my nothingness of eternity.

  Gravity came into existence at that moment and I could feel myself being pulled toward the chaos of color.

  A bright light of white shone in front of me, reaching out its own gravity, effectively halting me in between the lights. The force pulling me seemed to crawl over my body; my legs were pulled forward while my arms were sucked backwards. Then they switched. It was as if both were vying for the right grip, but they were evenly matched.

  There I remained, stuck in an evenly matched game of tug-of-war. I tried sticking my limbs out in front of me to allow the white light more purchase, but to no avail. The rear force latched onto my torso, refusing to relinquish its prize.

  A shadow blotted out the light in front of me, allowing the darkness to grab hold and pull me back. I moaned helplessly with understanding what was happening; Hell would have me. Without warning and out of nowhere, a massive, armor clad hand wrapped thick fingers around my neck, holding me in place.

  All I could see was the silhouette of a colossal angel complete with outstretched, feather clad wings and a burning halo saturated with white flame. I was pulled toward its shadowed head where two white flames shown through orbs where the eyes should be. Then he spoke.

  “Not yet. Your role on the board has yet to be played, abomination,” the angel said in my head. His voice was annoyed, as if through a clenched jaw, like a reluctant employee who was told by management to issue a refund to the customer who insulted him.

  Abruptly, both lights winked out of existence and allowed stars to litter the sky like wisps of dense clouds.

  “Aw… shit,” I said right as the angel let go and I catapulted through the after-verse. Stars streaked past as if I were the Minimum Falcon fleeing from the Empire. A familiar blue orb appeared at the center of the tunnel and grew larger by the second.

  “Whee!” I yelled in defiance as the stars slowed and the blue sphere grew, showing details that were the continents and oceans. It wasn’t long before I was hurling toward a big city near the gulf coast.

  An idea struck me and I attempted to control my decent by spreading out all my limbs. It seemed silly to me while doing it, as I was incorporeal and air resistance wouldn’t play a factor, but the act itself seemed to work and I began to slow. I controlled the speed of my descent, and quickly learned I could maneuver on command, though I allowed the general direction to stay true; I didn’t want to get lost in my incorporeal form.

  It wasn’t long before I saw the warehouse and construction zone. A blood covered Depweg appeared in frame and began to focus as I continued to float toward my corpse. He had reverted to his human form and wasn’t moving. As I got closer, as if zooming into a picture on a computer, I could see his skin was seared and blackened. He would have come in first place in a Freddie Krueger lookalike contest. There was a cauterized hole the size of an opened hand that severed his spine. Closer still I could see the dirt he was lying upon through his brand-new flesh tunnel.

  I could see a flickering glimmer of light at his core, fighting to remain.

  Motion over my body caught my attention. Lily was there, holding a blood-soaked wrist over my head. The powerful scarlet life flowed freely and she flicked her hand over my body, sprinkling droplets all over me. I was amazed to see that the blood was soaking into my body, providing immediate energy that was used to grow back disintegrated flesh.

  I felt my incorporeal-self yanked briefly toward its home, like a fish getting hooked. I was off balance, as if getting caught in a crashing wave. My arms wheeled and I tried to regain my balance. This no gravity thing was difficult to get used to.

  “You look ridiculous, lover,” an amused, silky voice said.

  I gained some semblance of control and saw Lily looking at me. She was upside down. Rather, I was upside down… again.

  “We have got to stop meeting like this!” I said. “How are you healing me?”

  “How is not important. Why, on the other hand, is so much more interesting,” she purred with a devious smile.

  I gulped before asking, “Why…?”

  “I am saving your life,” Lily said as my body tried to inhale my essence, “so you will be indebted to me.”

  “Always looking out for yourself, Lily,” I said while rolling my eyes. Another moment passed and my feet were pulled into my torso.

  “Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me,” she said, her smile a mix of amusement and mischief.

  “Did you just Godfather me!?” I cried out while my recently empty shell of a body was swallowing my form up to the knees.

  “It was apropos, but I am also dead serious. You are bound to me now, Jonathan. A life debt. You will do my biding until the life debt is repaid; and let me tell you, I have eluded death for over a multitude of millennia.”

  I scowled at this. She was right, I would be compelled to do her bidding until I saved her life. It would hurt my very essence and make me physically ill to disobey. I’ve even heard of some supes that lost their minds from resisting. Thralls can be created in this way. Simply locking a willful subject in a dungeon and commanding them to do some mundane task like picking a flower could be all it takes to create a mindless minion. It could take years or even decades, but no one has ever fully resisted and kept their wits about them. I would have to make sure to do whatever Lily commanded, as my mind was my favorite part of being me; besides my sweet, sweet biceps.

  The muscles reconnected with bones and plumped back to their original size. Organs regrew in their proper place (score!). My eyes began as two specs of dust in the back of my sockets and grew like melons on the vine. I frowned when I noticed my trusty duster was in tatters. I don’t think Da would be able to fix that.

  I was fully sucked into the body and my essence spread out, like a hand slipping into a custom-tailored glove.

  My eyes fluttered open and I could see the beginning approach of dawn. The stars became less prominent in the night sky. The black seemed to lighten. I didn’t have long before I had to find a place to sleep.

  I turned my head to see Lily had moved on. She was cutting pieces of her thigh off with Depweg’s own silver kukri, and feeding her flesh to Depweg who was growing stronger with each bite. I could see his hole shrinking and eventually seal. His bubbling skin shrank, smoothed over, and regained its color although a little pink. Even his hair grew back on his head, arms, and torso.

  “Shit,” I managed to breathe out as Lily looked at me with a smile most devilish and eyes that sparkled with delight. She had just gained two henchmen that would have no choice but to do her bidding.

  My eyes went from hers back down to her thigh which was rapidly healing, despite the silver. My brow furrowed at the implication that not even the deadliest of supernatural weapons could be more than a mild inconvenience to her. That was going in the ol’ floppy drive for later.

  As my body regenerated to full capacity, my focus shifted to the red streams that flowed over Lily’s alabaster skin with each pass of the blade. Saliva flooded my mouth. The tips of my fingers and nose tingled, my lips joined a moment later. Someone had put my head in a gyro and was slowly making it tumble in all directions.

  With bloodlust creeping over my senses, I got to my feet and started making my way to where Lily was feeding Depweg the last scrap of flesh. He was fully healed and laid still, breathing heavy while staring unfocused into the stars above. I could immediately sense he was also in a losing fight against his predator side.

  As I neared, my eyes shifted and teeth elongated. Depweg’s hands elongated into boney claws and his jaw popped as a snout extended out from his face. His eyes were yellow with black slits. He sat up and began reaching for Lily who took one large step back, a confident smile upon her beautiful face.

  She let us get within arm’s length before holding one hand up in a universal stop gesture.

  It was as
if my blood was replaced by quick drying cement that filled my muscles, preventing them from obeying my brains commands. From my peripheral, I could see Depweg frozen in place, a clawed, hand outstretched mid-morph.

  “Now now, boys. Didn’t your mothers teach you to keep your hands to yourself?” She purred with delight, having just confirmed her power over us.

  The sun grew beyond the horizon, preparing to crest and greet us with morning light. The distant light shown with chaotic shimmers like a heat wave on black asphalt.

  “Oh dear, would you look at the time,” Lily said as she manifested large rimmed sun-glasses. “We will continue this another night.”

  At this, she shifted planes, leaving behind a vacuum of air that collapsed with an audible bang.

  Both Depweg and I fell to the dirt, free of her command for the time being.

  “That… bitch,” I said between heaving breaths.

  Depweg looked at me with an expression that said, ‘really?’

  “Oh, right. That stray cat!”

  “You better get out of here, John,” Depweg warned, gesturing to the horizon.

  As I started walking away to find a hole away from the construction zone that I could sleep in, I turned and asked Depweg, “Hey, in all these years, I’ve never asked; what’s your first name?”

  “Jonathan,” He called back, with a smile evident in his words.

  I stopped undead in my tracks, turned around to face him and said, “No fucking way…”

  The End

  Epilogue

  The next night, Depweg and I met up outside my lair. His house was burned to the ground and he had nowhere else to stay. I told him to expect a mess, but it would be safe with Locke out of the picture.

  We stood at the entrance, wordless, as we walked passed the fallen door. I noticed where chunks of the stone had been taken out by a crowbar, sledgehammer, or some other device. I assumed Locke hadn’t used magic as to not alert Da or me before he had everything in place.