Shadow of a Doubt Read online

  “Raziel told me that you get into a lot of trouble. After a few years of visits and talking about you often, I thought I had forgiven you. I-I wanted to meet you, but he told me that wasn’t a good idea. He said the people you care for get hurt; like a lot.”

  That rocked me back in my seat, and I became light-headed for a moment. I had always known that to be true, but to hear it out loud—and that one of your dearest friends had said it—was hard to process.

  “He was right,” I told him just above a whisper as I let my chin rest on my chest. I closed my eyes and took in a steadying breath. Something the kid had said resonated, and I had to ask a question that I really didn’t want to know the answer to. “Do you?”

  “Do I what?” Magni asked snappily, squinting his eyes in an expression that clearly told anyone who saw it that he had no idea what I was talking about (teenagers, am I right?).

  “F-forgive me,” I stammered.

  I could see the side of his face smooth while his head bobbed with the motion of the van.

  “I thought I had…until I saw you. It felt like I was in the car again.” His expression hardened, and he turned to face me with anger in his eyes. “Do you have any idea how many times I woke up in the middle of the night, screaming? Huh? Do you? Or how I got really good at hiding my sheets in the school’s laundry after I had pissed them? I kept seeing your red eyes and your fangs covered in my mom’s blood trying to get me. Do you understand what you did to me, you asshole?!” He was on the verge of frustrated tears as he looked directly into the eyes of the being that had shattered his whole world.

  “Yes,” I croaked out. “I know exactly what I did, and it has haunted me as my biggest failure.”

  “Why…why did you do it? Why my mom?” he asked with a rage-filled expression that was quickly giving way to sorrow.

  “There’s a lot to know,” I said as I began to tell the story about how I’d been made, including my constant battle with PS. Then I told him about how I had been hurt to the point of rapping at death’s door, and how PS had pushed me off the wheel while I had been at my weakest. “Your…mom,” that word felt so heavy in my mouth, “didn’t do anything to deserve what happened. It wasn’t her fault. It was mine. I let my Predatory Self gain control. I’m so sorry, Magni. I promise I will do everything in my power to make it up to you!”

  Magni turned around, not wanting to let me see his tears, and stared out his window.

  After a few minutes of painful silence, Ludvig chimed in.

  “How is it you aren’t like the odder supernaturals?”

  “I’ve thought about that on countless nights,” I said as I looked out my own window. Trees passed by as we drove down the trail. “I keep coming back to my…parents,” I said slowly, my eyes flicking to Magni as I said it. “I told my maker, Ulric, that I didn’t want to hurt the innocent. I fought him for years on the subject, until he grew tired of my apparent weakness and tried to kill me. Well, that and I figured out he had been lying to me, and knew I was going to leave him whether he wanted me to or not. I am not inherently evil just because I’m a vampire. Being a vampire just enhances who you are, and I think it’s the same with most supes that started off as humans. If you’re an asshole when turned into a vampire, you’re an asshole vampire. Though I will fully admit that the dark gift makes it hard to be a good guy sometimes. The way I see it, most vamps have—or had, since I’m the last one —” I started, deciding to leave that Ulric was still alive out of the conversation for now, “a bad reputation because only the incredibly strong of will who can fight their own Predatory Self or the evil ones who thought they were always in control made it more than a few days or weeks. I can tell you that, according to Ulric, I was an anomaly among the immortals.”

  As I spoke, I realized I had the supernatural hunter’s full attention and decided to take advantage.

  “I’m not the only one, you know. The weres you have are good people as well. Depweg is the best of us, far more noble than I could ever be, and the twins follow him as their pack leader.”

  “Why do you fink dey are still alive?” Ludvig asked, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.

  Silence grew again as we all considered the words that had been shared between us. After a few moments, I decided it was time to pull out my wild card and change the subject.

  “So, what are you, Lude?” I asked in as jovial a tone as I could. “Mage? Wizard? Sorcerer? What?”

  “He’s a paladin,” Magni threw out impatiently. Ludvig shot him a look, prompting the teenager to respond as most do. “What?”

  “No way, man. Paladins can’t throw elemental magic like that shit back there,” I said accusingly, pointing my thumb over my shoulder.

  Ludvig returned his gaze to the road, shaking his head and sighing, before he said, “Technically, I’m a hybrid.”

  We stopped at the end of the dirt road, which intersected a paved street. When he didn’t continue, I pushed the issue by saying, “Gonna finish that thought there, buddy?”

  Ludvig looked at me in the rearview mirror and said, “I’m a paladin who has learned the ways of elemental magic.”

  “Uh-huh, I got that. Where did you learn it from?”

  “From wherever I could.”

  “Stop playing coy and spill the beans. Are you a wizard, Harry?”

  “I don’t understand,” Ludvig informed me.

  Magni started shaking his head and said, “It’s a movie. Just—just tell him so he’ll shut the hell up, please.”

  “By Odin’s beard!” the big man started, agitated. “I learned from mages and wizards dat were willing to teach me.”

  “Ha! I knew it. Wait, how is a Viking also a paladin?”

  “I—” Ludvig began as a large tree crashed down in the road right in front of the van. We smashed into it hard, abruptly stopping our momentum. Well, I said “our” momentum, but I wasn’t in a seat attached firmly with a safety harness; so while Ludvig and Magni halted with the van, I, on the other hand, went flying through the damn windshield. It’s okay though; the ground has always been there to catch me when I fall.

  As I tumbled head over heels, a thought went streaking through my brain; could this night get any worse.

  I think we all know the answer to that question.

  I righted myself, landing in a movie-esque superhero pose, only to be kissed on the cheek by another tree that was swung like a baseball bat.

  Stars burst into life within my vision as trees dropped from the sky only to disappear into the ground. As I hit and skidded on the road, I realized that the trees weren’t falling; I was just flying sideways.

  “Ow,” I tried to say as I rubbed my face, noticing half of it was crushed in like a soda can underfoot. A quick focus of will, and bones popped back into place, filling my beautiful mug back out.

  Get up, now, Baleius ordered, striding over to grab hold of the wheel with me.

  Good idea, I responded, commanding my legs to get to work.

  For a vampire as old as you are, you sure get knocked down a lot.

  Yeah, as if you were expecting to be hit by a damn—

  The tree sailed downward in an arc toward where I stood. I couldn’t see what was holding it in the darkness. Rolling backward, I dodged the brunt of the attack, but was still struck by smaller limbs that did no real damage.

  I burst through the branches of the tree and into the air. With a bloodlongsword in hand, I searched with shifting red eyes for my attacker. Holding the thick trunk was what appeared to be a pitch-black arm. I couldn’t see any features other than the fact that the outline was darker than the rest of the surroundings. Even in the dead of night, the moon provided enough illumination that even a mortal could make out the white and yellow stripes on the road. What I struggled to stare at was an absence of all light, creating an outline against the surroundings.

  Still in midair, I followed the arm up to the body, and finally, the head. A pair of glinting amethysts stared back at me while a Cheshire grin spr
ead as I realized what I was facing. The glowing purple eyes and white teeth were the only distinguishable features on the huge shadow assassin.

  Knowing in an instant that my blood weapon would pass harmlessly through the monster, I freed my right hand and smoothly reached for the silver kukri sheathed at the small of my back. The monster was overconfident and let me get closer, knowing I couldn’t hurt it with my preternatural attack.

  As I swung the huge sword downward with my left hand, I used the momentum to pivot my body while in the air. While my body turned, I slid the kukri out and slashed at the monster’s face.

  A roar erupted from the monster, like the sound of squealing metal, as the blade cut through the Shadow faerie’s flesh. The hand holding the tree like a bat released it and shot up to cover the wound. As it did, I landed in a crouch and slashed at the thigh of the monster.

  Quickly assessing his situation, the shadow beast used its free hand to swipe down at my knife-wielding arm, forming its own manifestation as he did.

  I sucked in sharply, squeaking as I did, as my hand and silver weapon dropped to the street. The blade clanged against the ground, and for some reason, the thought that I would have to sharpen it later flashed through my head; if there was a later.

  Seemingly in slow motion, my wide eyes flew down to look at the stub of my forearm. The edge was black from where the shadow assassin had removed my hand.

  Oh shit, I exclaimed to Baleius. The darkness…

  Worry about that later, please, Baleius responded through intense concentration.

  The beast roared again, but this time with as much satisfaction as rage.

  I began bending at my knees and waist to pick up the silver weapon with my free hand when the monster let go of its face and grabbed the back of my neck. Massive hands wrapped around my entire head, lifting me into the air. In the back of my mind, I vaguely took note that the monster only had three thick fingers, including thumb.

  As had been my luck as of late, the ground rushed up to boop my sexy body. I couldn’t blame it; I was irresisti—My world went black as the now familiar stars bloomed into life. The feeling of being lifted and then slammed back down was a new experience for me. Right before I hit, the monster opened its fingers, allowing maximum John-to-road contact, before closing them around my head and lifting again. After three or four hundred times of this happening—it was hard to keep track—I eventually yelled, “WAIT!”

  For some reason, the shadow monster stopped and brought me to his face out of curiosity.

  “Fuck you,” I lobbed a bloody loogie in defiance. It passed through the shadow creature to splat onto the asphalt. The feeling of careening to the ground came back with a vengeance.

  As my body made a crater in the blacktop of the road, a plume of fire exploded into life, bathing the highway with a fierce orange light.

  Immediately, the hand pushing my head into the ground went incorporeal as the Shadow faerie shrieked in agony. I used the brief reprieve to roll over and through the monster toward the source of the fire.

  Ludvig bared crimson teeth as his wand spewed flames toward the monster. I could see bone peeking out of a split eyebrow that streamed blood down his square face. It looked delicious.

  Stop it! I cried out to Baleius.

  Not me. We’re hurt and need healing, Baleius responded calmly.

  Crap. It looks so good.

  As much as I would like to agree, we have a bigger problem to contend with, like our arm.

  I was not expecting him to be the voice of reason. That monster must have done some serious damage for me to be this hungry. Willing a blooddagger in my remaining hand, I sliced my arm off at the elbow before the darkness could creep up.

  Closing my eyes, I tapped into my reserves and pulled enough energy to clear my head from the thirst. Bones snapped, crackled, and popped back into place as I pulled from my blood savings. I was aware of how my chest cavity filled out where the impacts had crushed my body between my armor plating. The thought of those commercials showcasing s’mores oozing out between two graham crackers flashed through my mind. Finally, my arm grew out from underneath the sleeve of my poor trench coat that now ended at my elbow.

  “Holy shit. That thing fucking hurt me bad, man,” I huffed to Ludvig. “What do we do?”

  “I’m not…really…sure,” Ludvig spit out between his red teeth.

  A thought stuck out. “The silver hurt it!”

  As if on cue, Magni hobbled out of the van and made eye contact with me, using his shotgun as a crutch. I held out my hands, nodded to the gun, and he threw the weapon to me, collapsing to the ground and wincing as he did.

  “Hurry. I can’t hold dis much longer,” Ludvig urged. A quick glance toward him showed veins ready to burst from strain.

  I turned to face the monster and racked the shotgun. A shell ejected as I did. I slapped myself mentally for pulling the noob gun move.

  As I lifted the barrel to point at the shadow assassin, who was dancing just out of the range of light the flame provided, Ludvig yelped in exhaustion and dropped to one knee. His flame went out as he went down, prompting the shadow monster to charge.

  I squeezed the trigger and the shotgun kicked in my grasp right as a shadowblade cut through the weapon between my hands, splitting it in two. As the useless firearm fell to the ground, I noticed trees were visible through a punched-out hole in the darkness that stood in front of me. Purple eyes widened and looked down at the gaping wound that did not bleed. Hands roamed over the hole, disbelieving.

  The eyes blazed in fury and indignation as the beast sucked in a long breath. I stepped back as the shadow assassin bellowed into the night, sounding like the horn on a train. The teeth in my skull vibrated from the sheer force while broken glass danced on the ground. On either side of me, I could see Ludvig and Magni covering their ears as they screamed in pain.

  As quickly as it had started, the monster ceased its call into the darkness.

  Ludvig and Magni pulled their hands away from their ears and gawked at the copious amount of blood streaking their palms.

  “Ludvig! Are you okay?” I called out. He didn’t respond or even give any indication he had heard me. I turned my head to look at Magni, who was staring at me, fear in his eyes.

  I called out to him and he yelled in return, “What? Oh no! I can’t hear!”

  “Fucking shit,” I cursed, turning back to the monster who was holding his wound with both hands.

  He’s hurt! Where’s the knife?

  Behind him.

  I took a step forward before Baleius cried out, Wait! Something’s wrong…

  I felt it too. The trees all along the road seemed to move, but there was no breeze to be felt in the cool air.

  “I got a baaaaaad feeling about this,” I said to myself as the shadows on either side of the highway started writhing like pits of maggots.

  “Ludvig!” I cried out, waving my arms frantically as I ran to where he stood lost in a daze. He looked up at me and scrunched his face in confusion. I pointed at the tree line aggressively. His eyes followed, growing stern as they took in the incoming threat. I was impressed; I felt my own eyes were wide with fear as the shadows started morphing from that of the trees into savage, featureless monsters.

  He moved his coat flap out of the way with an elbow and reached for one of the vials on his belt. I could see they were made from a dense polymer of some sort to prevent breakage. Ludvig slid one from its slot, pulled the rubber stopper, and downed the liquid in one gulp.

  He quickly slid the empty vial back into its place before closing his eyes and clenching his fists. Veins pulsated along his neck, snaking up to push through the skin covering his face. A guttural roar came from his huge chest, reminiscent of a heavy metal singer. I took a nervous step back, not knowing what to expect. Did I say nervous? I meant I gave him his space to do his own thing out of respect. A respectful step back.

  From the tree line, dark forms rose from the ground, all with purple eyes that
seemed to lock onto me. I gulped—but once again, out of sheer respect and not nervousness. I wasn’t scared of these…terrifying, featureless monsters that I couldn’t hurt but which could tear me to shreds. The silver kukri flashed through my mind, and I had never wanted anything more desperately than in that moment. It was how mortals described being stranded in the ocean with sharks swimming just beneath the surface; completely helpless and unknowing of when that final strike would occur.

  Ludvig held his wand while wild eyes darted between targets. It was like he was on some sort of enchanted speed. I saw that the wound on his eyebrow had completely healed, leaving behind unharmed flesh that had fresh blood all around it. I wondered if his hearing had recovered as well.

  “Silver and light!” I called out to Ludvig. He shot his gaze over to me, nodded once with bared teeth, and returned to watching as the Shadow faeries finished their entrance into our world. With his free hand, Ludvig grabbed the hilt of his sword and pulled it from its sheath. Wand in one hand and sword in the other, he was ready for battle.

  I turned to look at the kid, who stood trembling. He was unarmed and clearly not trained enough to stand toe to toe with these shadow asshats. Hell, I wasn’t either if I were to be honest with myself—good thing I wasn’t.

  We need the knife. How are we going to get past Bubba there? I asked, referencing the giant shadow monster standing on the road.

  I have an idea, Baleius announced.

  You mean a plan? I snickered. I just couldn’t help myself. Baleius ignored me.

  Ignite the dry leaves along the road.

  Huh? I can’t do that…can I?

  We don’t have time for your self-doubt. Give me the Lilith- damned wheel, he said, all but knocking me away. As I relinquished control in my mind, I looked out the window of my eyes and returned my consciousness to the battle about to start. It was odd having my Predatory Self in full control; sort of like when someone tossed something at you and by nothing but reflex alone, you caught it. It was still you doing the actions, but without your consciousness having to think.